FEAR & Overcoming
Let’s take a moment to touch on just exactly what fear is, shall we? First, fear is an actual, physical reaction, while phobia interferes with your ability to function.
Fear is the main emotion that the amygdala (a small almond shaped part of your brain) is known to control. The amygdala processes things you see or hear and uses that input to learn what's dangerous. Then if you encounter something similar in the future, your amygdala will cause you to feel fear.
Fear is experienced in your mind, but it triggers a strong physical reaction in your body. Your blood pressure and heart rate increase. You start breathing faster. Even your blood flow changes and your brain basically shuts down as your body prepares for action - think Kick, Punch, Run!
So which is it, fight or flight ... or will you freeze?
If you feel your inner super hero rising to the challenge, by all means, please do, give it all you got! But, there is no shame in running for your life. Honestly, you may be doing yourself and possibly others a huge favor by recognizing that you aren’t equipped, and that fighting would not benefit you in any way. Ask yourself, is this really the best place to put my efforts?
When I was about 16, I joined a group of friends on a summer adventure. We were headed to a local park to go “Cliff Jumping”. Seemed like no big deal, its only water and I’m a tough girl so why the hell not? Because, when you hit the water, it hurts (for those of you who ride motorcycles, think rain drops on the face pain) And the momentum of the dive pushes you so far beneath the surface of the water that your sure you’ll never actually reach the surface before you run out of air. As you fall into sheer panic, frantically paddling with no idea just how far the surface actually is ... you finally reach the surface. No sooner do you catch your breath, than you now notice the epic wedgy in your butt. Check please?
Another common response to fear is Freeze. As in deer in the headlights, which reminds me of my fear of heights. So, there I go again ... thinking I will overcome my fear, by soaring 1200 feet above the Royal Gorge on the Worlds Scariest Sky Coaster. I have no actual recollection of the experience other than my stomach churning and the feeling of impending doom while I wondered when we would be hitting the jagged rocks below. My eyes were held so tightly shut I needed to pry them open before I could exit the “ride”. It was that experience that let me give my alter ego the heave-ho for good when it came to pushing her to over the edge of high places.
Overcoming.
Overcoming doesn’t happen because you force it to, like what I was trying to do by finding the most extreme situations I could, thinking I would just get over my fears if I survived the one perilous experience after another. What you can do though, is start by conditioning yourself with intentional, bite sized pieces of those triggering situations. Learn to focus on your breathing and calm when you feel your pulse increase. Envision worst case scenarios to temper your response and seize opportunities to lean in, instead of avoiding what’s uncomfortable. By putting those steps into action, you will slowly retrain your response to certain situations and feel less stress. Overcoming may be fleeting though, especially if you find yourself in unexpected or more extreme situations.
I found a more sustainable way of overcoming, deeper but not complicated. This concept was more of a commitment to my values. For example, my fear of public speaking was quickly squelched when I decided that time is valuable, and I that didn’t believe in wasting time, mine or anyone else’s. So, I got over my own BS about standing in front of a room of my peers to speak because It was more important to me to simply not suck, then to actually waste their valuable time.
Another way I found to over come my fears was in my observations of my own behaviors while under extreme stress. When I am under massive pressure, I am decisive and confident. My objectives are crystal clear, I know without a doubt the best path forward, exactly what action steps are needed and I have no problem designating the players to get the job done. Boom!
It seems to me that during those seasons of challenge, my inner strength quietly steps forward, and with keen awareness she simply handles it. There is no second guessing, no doubt of any kind. She doesn’t let my muddled mind distract me from what she knows to be right. No regrets. Just do.
Certainly I am not suggesting you go in search of hardship to overcome your fears. What I mean is that much of what you aspire to become is already within you. Your desires reflect what you are capable of. You possess all the talents and resources necessary for your unique path. You have everything you need to navigate the obstacles, ideas, chances, interactions, and individuals you will face. Its all right there, just waiting for you to uncover the remarkable potential inside of you.
